If he bought a house with you, that chunk of money that HE worked for (not you) would be tied up into an investment in which you have a 50% share. He bought a house without you. He's such a commitment phob. I wanted to buy a house; she didn't. CanadianGal When unmarried couples enter into a financial contract … Plus it doesn't sound like you are putting anything into the deal He is putting all the money and then you want 1/2 of the profit. My boyfriend introduce me to his family. Every Sunday he goes to his parents house to see his children. I don’t get the same “financially irresponsible” vibe from the first letter that everyone else seems to. He's now having to sell for a loss because he can't afford the enormous mortgage he took out. I doubt a bit your financial capacity, I must say, this picture of yourself as so good at a budget. He bought a house without you. Nor the mom of his child. And I'd say that he's wise to not go in on a major joint purchase with someone who is only a girlfriend and not a wife. The girl & her boyfriend thought this was completely unreasonable. When he bought me a $900 sound bar for the tv For Xmas I lost it. My options are to leave him, which I don't want to do because I love him and care about him, or to give him an ultimatum that if he doesn't propose within a certain time-frame, we'll have to split up. He will be on the mortgage with me but my name is ***** ***** name that will be on the title. October 29, 2020, 10:12 am. To ease into this, I would suggest buying something together that you both use, like a car, boat, or even animals. I’m 26 I bought a place of my own when I was 21 and I’ve been completely financially independent for several years (my parents helped me out with some bills when I was finishing up college). May 18, 2016. Flattered that he would want me there with him, I accepted his invitation. Not 20 years. You can own a property in unequal shares but when you buy with anyone you need a clear legal agreement about what happens if you split up. LisforLeslie For every dollar you spend supporting someone who chooses not to support themselves, that is one less dollar for your retirement, one less dollar you can spend on your needs later in life when you outlive your partner, one less dollar out of your child’s education fund, one less dollar out of you and your child’s future. He needs to learn to be an adult, and if that means he struggles or is late to class, that is on him. That’s the only time of the week that he sees his kids. She won’t let me buy her out neither will she move or sell. The baby mamas let the grandparents have them every Sunday. Maybe he could get enough for his current house to cover his half of a mortgage, but since it’s in a bad neighborhood, he may not be able to sell it for enough to move somewhere nicer. He has aid he won't leave and ha I can’t understand people who hardly manage their everyday budget and who consider getting in more debts. I am actually scared for the second LW. Assuming you haven’t already agreed (pre-breakup) that one person will have first dibs on buying out the other’s share in the house, you may use a coin flip or some other simple mechanism to determine who stays and who goes. I would imagine that you want someone who is financially responsible, right? by Amy Odell. Now you might decide that maybe these aren’t issues that are deal-breakers for you. We have been living together for 4 months. Talk to a guidance counselor at your school or call the domestic violence hotline at 800-799-SAFE. House vs apartment? Rose C(16) Posted on 23-10-2010 at 6.11PM . ? He lives back at his moms house now so I said why don't you use your chunk of money for a deposit for a house with me? If you marry him and combine finances….that can also bring down YOUR credit history. Your boyfriend’s failure to get you cards and flowers is probably all about his own relationship with his emotions; it has very little if anything to do with how he feels about you. Last week, on his birthday, I almost fall sick looking for a gift for him. So when you discuss these tender issues with your mate, it is important to follow my empathic process. October 29, 2020, 12:01 pm. Why should HE put in his chunk of money into a home and then give half of it away to someone who is not his spouse and whose relationship is not a business relationship while you put in NOTHING? Ex threatening me and won't leave my house. The higher rate of SDLT will also apply if your boyfriend’s erstwhile family home has not been sold and he still has an interest in it. An he hasnt told his daughter that she is going to be a big sister. Here’s how it might work and where the problems can arise: A widowed man who has two adult children buys a house with his new girlfriend as tenants in common. Told him to leave – all I had on my list was a hat. Please put your self first here, and if you cannot do that, then at least put your child first, and do not financially support an abled body person who chooses not to support himself. The point is, it’s not up to you to make them change their lives for the better; it IS up to you to decide you deserve better and move on. So me and my boyfriend are both 15 years old we have been dating for 9 months and we kiss and cuddle and make out but he never gets touchy and I'm surprised cause usually boys his age just wants to have sex with girls and he does get boners when we kiss and make out so I know he's excited but how do I get him to be more touchy with me? He hasnt told them. I think what you aren’t seeing is potentially that you aren’t as well-matched with Hank as you think you are. When he buy me gifts such as one month anniversary gift, valentine's day gift, he go out and buy something not more than $20. Your situation: You fight a lot with him. Am I right to feel this way? This makes me think of the one episode of Love It or List It where a woman moved in with her long time boyfriend and basically hit a point where she wanted to buy a house for the BOTH of them or redesign the house to bit both of their personalities. Date in a distance or just move on. You save your coins for a few years so that when the time comes you each put in equal shares for the down payment and then share all costs equally going forward, all backed up by an iron-clad contract that spells out what happens if you part ways. Maybe you can convince yourself that living in an unsafe area with bad schools will work for you. You in danger, girl. You feel it’s important to “build a life together” in a completely new home. What about getting married FIRST and then buying a home together. I know a few people who gave up on hoping a lazy spouse would change and just left them….and even though they never got back together, it was only at these times which their exes decided to finally make the desired changes in their lives — get that new job, lose weight, eat healthier, whatever. There’s just one big problem – he has no job. They each contribute half of all expenses, including the down payment. ? Christ on a cracker. Join Yahoo Answers and get 100 points today. He is smart. History has shown that he isn’t, and that is not going to magically change if you were to move in together. And unfortunately for him, if you had been married, if YOU, Sienna, buy the house, HE also owns it, simply for his being your husband, if the two of you had been married. My boyfriend and I are each thinking about buying homes in the near future. Also, stop waking up your boyfriend–he is 20, he can wake himself up. Are you in your senior year? You still have the issue of his financial irresponsibility. Nana. All rights reserved. The dude’s not going to make it official – ever. I can’t understand people who hardly manage their everyday budget and who consider getting in more debts. Who is supporting you??!!? Don't do it until you are married to the person you buy a house with. Sea Witch From this investment together, you will build the confidence in him to go to a the level of buying a house together. You both have to come to a compromise if you want this relationship to work. The house thing is just an excuse. There is no way I can sit in a church with all the pitying looks from others (mainly smug married women) wondering why my bf won’t marry me. Why have they allowed a 20 year old man to move in with their (presumably) teenage daughter? We’ve decided to rent a place together. Can my ex make me sell the family home? November 1, 2020, 7:13 pm. It would be a bigger risk for him than for you to buy a new house together — he’s older, you earn more, and the shared financial responsibility for your child is new for him. You cannot expect that Hank is going to move in with you and suddenly become financially responsible. He sounds controlling, manipulative, lazy, neglectful, and irresponsible. Somehow I just want to hug (from 6 feet away, of course) that high school student in the second letter and tell her she’s amazing for everything she’s done so far, and make sure she knows she needs to kick him the heck out, like, yesterday. His thing is, he feels that I … To me, this guy seems relatively reasonable, in not wanting to get deep in debts and depending financially on you when he does have a house and is already very short in money. Protecting your house when your boyfriend/girlfriend moves in . What do I do if my roommate refuses to move out when the lease is up? Both these LWs are in relationships with children and not functioning adults. j said at 7:37 pm on Tuesday August 21, 2012: bottom line- and I hate to say it, but,don't buy( or seriously reconsider) property with someone unless you are married- its a no brainier . I have told him numerous times to leave me alone. My mom just dosent trust me at all I can never really do anything like just recently My boyfriend broken up with me because I can never leave my house she’ll never let me go places my self with my friends or I can’t go places without a family member coming with me. You don’t want or need to be with someone who throws a tantrum when asked to behave like an adult. You can read about me here, peruse the archives here and read popular posts here. You have to be attuned … My ex did this, he ended up being ordered to give me the whole value of the house in cash so I could buy a similar property in the same area for our two children (I was sahm so no mortgage option). Lesley Garner 30 September 2008 • 00:02 am . You should be happy that he is smart enough to learn from his mistake. Been together nearly 2 years. The baby mamas used to not like me and want me around but that’s not the case anymore. If he asks why, it’s easy. Does my tenant moving someone in the cover her last month on her lease void the contract in NJ? Explain that, if he doesn't leave your home, you will have to get the police involved. Just land on earth and go on with your own property purchase, if YOU can afford it. That way you each have the same amount of skin in the game so if the relationship goes south you both stand a shot of getting at least some or your initial investment back. Probably not – if you’re not married the law usually doesn’t give you any claim on your partner’s money or assets but in some cases, if you have contributed to the purchase price or mortgage costs or made contributions to the upkeep of the property, a Court may find you have acquired an interest in its value By Holly Hayes Posted 18 January 2017. Once you marry him, if he still will not move in to a house with you that you bought, then you have a complaint. He lives in the home his mother had and she still pays the notes. Women also live longer than men, so your pension and savings have to last longer than your male counterparts. ***************Follow along on Facebook,  and Instagram. Dear Wendy is a relationship advice blog. He rented a room in a house previously and I rented a small house with my two children. Buying A Home With A Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Partner, Or Friend . And yes, a year and a half isn’t that long that you should be desperate to kick the relationship ahead to your version of the next step. Wanting to keep a house you already own is not automatically a value statement about your love and commitment to someone. Am I being screwed over ? According … My partner earns far more than me but wants me to pay a half share of our bills I have a large debt and struggle to get by. LW2: where are your parents? Should I give up everything I’ve been searching for in a relationship for my “wanting to build a future” together? That means you just stole half of his money without any binding commitment. I lent my ex-boyfriend £3,000 and now he won't pay me back. He's not your husband! To suggest he is somehow wrong to resist this is just plain fucking nuts. Now my situation is very unique. October 29, 2020, 10:27 pm. Buying a house is a large responsibility. Why in the ever loving hell are you already living with your BF as a high school student? My heart is breaking, thinking that I should leave him, because it’s not fair to me to continue with this relationship if there’s no end game. November 1, 2020, 7:18 pm. October 29, 2020, 8:13 pm. We decided that it would be fair to split the rent 4 ways, and the utilities 5 ways. Purchase your own property for you and your son, but don’t push him to help you get a bigger place. October 29, 2020, 1:16 pm. I am sure he is aware of all the logical reasons why you both should move, but has decided to prioritize sentimentality and inertia over your relationship. And he doesn’t respect your wishes or the goals you’ve set for yourself. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. We Buy Any House. I don't want to start the process of buying a house with a guy who won't marry me. Sea Witch You seem to be younger chronologically, yet older in emotional maturity. Would you be putting up an equal amount or are you just expecting him to buy the home and put it under your name too? I bought a house jointly with my boyfriend and we've been living there for a couple of years. Absolutely no normal 20-year-old guy wants to move in with a high-schooler. He’s late paying bills and, at 49, he can’t afford living in his home without the financial contribution of a roommate. He wants to buy me out but I want his share too. He said nope, he'll buy his own house with it and let me move in with him, if living together goes well for a few years THEN he'll buy with me. We are not married, don’t have children (we don’t want them) and we live together. So: Dump his sorry butt and move on to someone who deserves you. Hank would rather share his family home with you, inviting you to be part of that family. Men should be VERY careful when getting into any kind of contract with a woman, such as marriage, living together, buying a house together, etc. He is, in no way, connected to you, obligating him to buy a house with you. By continuing to use this site you consent to the use of cookies on your device as described in our cookie policy unless you have disabled them. Your boyfriend already learned this lesson once and was fortunate enough to get out of it. Where the heck are her parents?? If he does this, I won't have enough for a deposit on another house and the bank won't let me get another mortgage. My boyfriend is 24, he still lives with his parents but has had a job since he was 21. He has his own successful business and spends a lot on cigs and drink. Is there a middle ground I’m not seeing? Facebook . He hardly makes time for me. He buys groceries from week to week and spends about $300 - $400 a month but has not offered to pay any rent or utilities. You’re unhappy about the situation. It sounds like Hank’s house is paid off, since the LW only mentions him paying taxes on it and says the roommate is for “minimal extra expenses,” not a mortgage payment. When the relationship ends, the woman automatically thinks she is entitled to the house PLUS half the guy's assets, and the stupid judges/courts usually agree. He owned a house with his friend , sold it and each got a chunk of money. He's smart. If Your Boyfriend Doesn't Do These 15 Things, It's Time To Let Him Go. I think one option that hasn’t been mentioned is he could always rent out his childhood home to renters while residing with you in your home and of course help pay some bills. With all this in mind, there is no reason that you should be taking on the financial responsibility of another adult who chooses to be under employed, who chooses not to take care of his financial responsibilities. Is this legal? I’m not. 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